Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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