so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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