I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
