oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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