My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize