So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
