So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
