oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
