dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
