I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize