the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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