There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
