Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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