Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
