As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
