did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
