can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
