better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
