Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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