How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
