My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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