FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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