Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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