Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
