I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
