Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize