if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
