All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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