I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your cock deserves a montage
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
