I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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