If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
