So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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