I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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