i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
