ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
