Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
