Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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