Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We got so high we made milksteak
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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