I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
