Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
