I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
