And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
