You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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