know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
