i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
