just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
