I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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