I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
