I love black thongs
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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