there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
