I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
