you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
