So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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