He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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