The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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