there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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