1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm getting married
To pizza
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
