Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
