Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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