Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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