it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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