Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
