Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
