FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
