He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
