no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize