I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize