I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
