Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
