to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
