Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize