Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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