Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Houston, we have a blender
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
