Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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