he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
this hospital has no fireball
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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